The Uncarved Block

Breakfast this morning was a farce.

I went to the canteen at the place where I work. I had a headache and was feeling a bit shit. Prescription: toast.

They have shiny new toasters. I put a bagel in the toaster and go pick up a drink. The toasters have not been assembled correctly so the toasted bagel goes out the far side of the toaster and falls down behind the counter. VERY LOUD canteen woman comes over to see what's wrong. I tell her the new toaster is buggered and my bagel has fallen down behind the counter. Pissed off I start wandering to the other bit of the canteen to get a coffee.

VERY LOUD woman starts shouting at me from behind the counter across the canteen. EXCUSE ME SIR! EXCUSE ME SIR! I turn around and see she is waving the bagel which she has picked up off the floor. Not sure what she wants me to do about it so I ignore her.

She is not deterred. EXCUSE ME SIR! EXCUSE ME SIR! She's shouting. "She'll stop soon", I think, and continue wandering over to get coffee. Now another canteen guy has joined in, and is following me across the canteen. "Excuse me sir, she's trying to get your attention". "I know. I don't want to talk to her". EXCUSE ME SIR! EXCUSE ME SIR!

By now I am at the counter in the coffee place. "What's the problem?" says the guy who has followed me all the way over from the other bit of the canteen. "I don't know" say I, "but your toaster's broken. I'm just trying to get coffee.".

"Are you going to pay for that drink?" he says

"Yes".

Him, (to person behind the coffee bar) "Make sure he pays for that drink".